Not A Day Goes By
by tatianolishka
Summary: Julie Eberly had a son and thought he was dead. Then, a blast from the past came calling. His name was Horatio Caine, otherwise known as John Walden. R&R No flames please! Summary is awful.
1. You Had Me From Hello

This is a story I'm in the process of writing, and I'd love some opinions on it. This is based on Season 6, so definately a lot of spoilers. I'm writing this from all three characters' POVs - Horatio Caine/John Harmon's, Julie Eberly's & Kyle Harmon's. Hopefully y'all will be able to tell who's talking.

If I've got Kyle's birthdate wrong... sorry.

Disclaimer: I do not own CSI: Miami, it's characters, or anything like it.

* * *

October 1990

He stood out among all the patients I was seeing that day. I could've sworn he was some kind of James Bond, minus the red hair and American accent. He sat in the lobby, patiently waiting with his hands drumming on the side table. The sun shining through the glass window behind him brightened his face, and boy did he look handsome. He looked up occasionally, catching my gaze and smiling at me. His blue eyes twinkled, and I smiled back shyly.

"Julie?"

I turned around, taking the clipboard from one of the nurses with a nod. My next patient's name was written on the top of the sheet, and I looked around for someone to match the name.

John Walden.

At Glenview Hospital, the people who came to see me were mostly heatstroke-stricken tourists whe weren't used to the Pesecola sun. Whoever John Walden was, he was definately not a tourist. Unless he was quite an unlucky one. According to his file, John had a bullet in his arm, and it needed to be dressed. I was quite confused. Surely somebody with a gunshot wound would be screaming bloody murder by now.

The waiting room was dead quiet.

I held the clipboard to my chest, walking in the room with a smile. The red-headed Bond character looked up, his blue eyes meeting mine.

"John Walden?" I asked.

He nodded, smiling and getting out of his chair. He winced a little, with his good arm held out.

"Dr. Julie Eberly." I greeted, shaking his hand. "I understand you were shot?"

"Just a graze, ma'am." he replied, his voice deep and friendly.

"I'm sorry to hear that. Come with me please? I have an exam room ready."

I let his hand drop and lead the way down the hall, looking back occasionally to be certain he was following. John grinned, his eyes twinkling as he watched me.

"Right here." I directed, opening the door for him. "Go sit on the table and I'll be right with you."

John nodded, pulling off his black jacket. I noticed a small bloodstain forming on the sleeve of his baby-blue dress shirt, and I was concerned.

"Take off your shirt, please?" I asked, not realizing the nature of my words as he thought them to be.

I heard him chuckle amusedly, then saw him take off his shirt to me to examine his wound. I put some pressure on his arm to try and slow the bleeding, reaching for some gauze to cover it.

"You got changed?" I wondered aloud.

"How did you know?" he replied.

I smirked.

"No GSR on your shirt, it's not torn where the bullet hit your flesh, and I can see the fibres in the wound aren't the right color."

I looked at John, grinnnig. He looked satisfied, as if I had just kissed him.

"You're very good, Dr. Eberly." he commented.

"Why thank you." I replied, "It's what I do."


	2. Somebody's Son

September 2007

Julie.

Her name is still always on my mind sixteen years later. Even after Yelina, after Marisol. I miss her smile, her laugh... the way she would look at me whenever she saw me. It was a look of pride; a look of pure joy. The smile just lit up her face, sending a light into her soft hazel eyes. I still have her picture on my nightstand. I smile at her and wish her goodnight before I pray each night, hoping that she is happy wherever she is.

When Yelina found Kyle's adoption papers, all I wanted to know was the name of his father. The boy's appearance had struck a chord with me, but what confused me was the last name. Harmon? Who the hell was Harmon?

It didn't matter. What really struck me was his eyes... and the way his face reminded me of a certain green-eyed auburn-haired belle I had never forgotten.

"Julie Eberly."

I focused on Yelina for a moment, my heart skipping a beat. I shifted my stance and bit my lip.

"Does it say who the father is?"

Yelina glanced at the paper, shaking her head.

"Nope." she said, flipping the page. "Sorry."

I nodded, looking down and sighing. I glanced down and my sunglasses, twisting them in my hands. I said nothing, but sighed.

"Horatio?" Yelina said softly, tilting her head in my direction. "What is going on between you and this boy?"

I just stared at her.

"That's what I'm about to find out."

"Our suspect..." Valera gasped, handing me a printout, "He's your son."

I felt like I had just had a ton of weight lifted from my shoulders, and yet I knew this wasn't over. I looked at the paper in my hands, sighing. I jumped slightly at the touch of a soft Latina hand on my shoulder.

"Horatio?"

Yelina looked at me, pulling me into the hall. I knew I couldn't hide it from her much longer.

"Yelina?" I said, looking in her soft brown eyes, "I'm Kyle's father."

The detective looked surprised, and I began to explain.

"John Walden was an alias I used undercover in Pensecola. I met Julie at a hospital where she worked. We..."

I couldn't continue. Julie and I would always be the only ones who would ever know what happened to make this mess. Det. Salas, understanding as always, nodded.

"Was it something?" she asked gently.

I swallowed, trying not to cry.

"It was to me."


	3. Let's Make Love

November 1990

"You cold?"

John wrapped his arm around me, pulling me close as I rubbed my arms to stay warm. I grinned shyly, shrugging his arms away. He could tell I was nervous about all this, even after a little over a month with him. He stopped, looking at me with that smile. He took my hand, his eyes twinkling in the twilight of the cold autumn evening.

"What's wrong, Julie?" he asked, his voice a husky whisper.

I stopped, staring back at him. I couldn't help but sight. The handsome gentleman standing in front of me with striking red hair and gentle blue eyes never could do anything except make me fall for him. He slowly pulled me back in his arms with an amused chuckle, followed by my own giggles for sighing at him. Soon, he had me in a tight embrace that was beginning to make my heart race.

"You're hilarious," he teased, "And you haven't even said anything."

"I know." I whispered, looking up and finding myself just inches from his face.

_Damn._

John chuckles, touching my cheek softly with the back of his hand. I found it practically impossible to catch my breath, and had to shut my eyes for a moment. When I opened them, he was looking into my hazel eyes with his own shining sapphires. I closed my eyes again, and let John kiss me. The taste of him was sugary sweet, and warm like hot cocoa on Christmas day. I kissed him back with all the gentle passion I could muster.

His fingertips traced the curves of my body, lulling me into some kind of heavenly daydream. He stopped just above my hips, holding the small of my back. I clung to the back of his neck, my hands in his thick red hair.

"Don't let me go." I whispered, taking a short breath.

"Never." he whispered, kissing me again.

Rain began to fall, getting us soaking wet in it's downpour. I pulled away, catching my breath at the sight of his darkened hair against his head. He was just too damn handsome, and I smiled up at him.

"Come with me." he said, "Please."

He backed away, letting my hands fall back to my sides. He held out his right hand, and I just stared. What did he want? What did he mean by all this? He simply watched, then took a breath.

"Let me take you someplace where I can never let you go."

In the silence of those next few moments, our eyes were locked on each others'. I loved him, and I could tell he loved me back. Why else would he want me to come with him?

I took his hand and let him lead me out of the park, my mind still on cloud nine.

* * *

Author's Note: Okay, so I was considering writing a little bit of mild smut, but I know my friend (who is my critique) would probably string me up and beat me half to death XD. But yeah... comments are appreciated! 


	4. Everything's Changed

October 2007

All I could think about when I got home was Julie.

Kyle looked so much like her. Her eyes, the emerald gems I saw whenever I kissed her, were there. Kyle had her stature, too. Tall and thin. I couldn't belive this was my son... our son.

I sat down oon the bed, trying to let it all sink in. Her picture stared back at me, and I smiled. I remembered that rainy day, holding her in my arms as I felt the soft pale skin of her face against my cheek. The felling of her dark russet hair between my fingers as it tangled in the silver rain, how it made me want her to be in my arms for the rest of my life. She was my first love; the first woman I truly cared about.

Questions still ran through my mind after all this time. Why did I let her go? Why didn't she tell me about the baby?

I sighed, putting my face in my hands. I tried to image bing back with Julie, back in that moment when I knew she was The One. What would have happened if I had just... held on?

The phone rang, and I made no attempt to answer it. I just lay on the bed, my hand on my stomach while the other lay across the pillow over my head. Just as I closed my eyes to try and fall asleep, a voice from the past came from the answering machine.

"John?" she said, "It's Julie."


	5. Waiting All My Life

November 1991

Lying beside him gave me the most amazing feeling. Everytime he moved, I thought I woul lose my breathe. He would look at me, that smile still lingering on his face as he touched my cheek.

"It's allright, love."

His whispers were calming and gentle, like the voice of an angel sent from heaven.

The next morning brought John and I, sleeping peacefully and tangled up in a mess of bedsheets and pillows. As I slowly awoke, I felt his fingetips slide across my skin. I giggled as I turned to face him with an amused grin.

"Morning handsome." I greeted.

He smiled back, kissing my cheek.

"Morning beautiful."

I grinned, sighing and chuckling as he pulled me close to him.

"Come on, John!" I teased, tickling his chest, "Get up!"

He obeyed, the mischevious grin not once leaving his face as I covered myself with the sheets.

"You know that just makes me want you more." he said, that smug smile of his lingering still.

I tossed him a pillow, trying to look evil but failing. Whenever his eyes were shining like that, his lips turned into an upward grin, I couldn't help but smirk.

"Go have a shower," I muttered, turning away to hide my smile, "and get your clothes back on! Geez." 

John laughed and I buried my face in the pillows. I felt him rub my side again, kissing my cheek and I heard him leave the room. I sighed, rolling over and staring up at the ceiling with a smile. This, I told myself, was heaven on earth.

"Julie, where's the soap?"

I sihed, laughing as I pulled on a robe and hurried to help him. I had only known him for less that a month, and I already felt I was playing the part of the dutiful wife. I was loving that.


	6. Little Moments

October 2007

"Hey handsome."

I chuckled, looking up to see a sighed my eyes yearned to see for far too long. A pair of hazel eyes, with scarcely a line of age to mark the time passed on her skin. Her lips were turned up in a smile, and the same russet hair was wound in soft curls to frame her pale young face.

"You haven't changed at all." I remarked, turning my sunglasses nervously between my fingers.

"Same to you." she replied, coming closer. "Well, maybe a little more plump. Too much officework, I presume?"

I laughed, watching as Julie chuckled along. She was right; I had gained a little weight as a result from my lack of excercise and a newfound fondness for chocolate. A moment of silence followed, with us just watching each other. Questions for the doctor whom I had fallen for formed in my head, including the one neither of us could avoid.

"Julie, what happened?"

She just looked at me, her face not betraying any emotion.

"Maybe..." she sighed, looking towards the crime lab behind me, "maybe we should talk inside."

I nodded, taking her hand and leading her upstairs. She glanced at me, her cheeks a little red. I was most likely blushing too; I had missed her and I loved her. When those two mixed, you got a somewhat bold Lieutenant Caine.

She stopped halfway, and I looked back to make sure she was okay.

"John?" she asked, "Is it... John? Or Horatio?"

I smiled.

"John." I replied. "That's the name you know best, beautiful."

Julie nodded, grinning.

"John." she said, her tone more reassured, "Allright."


	7. Shut Up and Drive

August 1990

Dammit.

I leaned my head back, banging it against the cupboard doors. If John had come home right then, I wouldn't have been the least bit surprised if he thought I'd been drinking. I felt like I had. I felt like I had drunken so much that I couldn't think straight.

How the hell had this happened?

Why did it have to happen to me?

I glanced down at my feet, unshed tears stinging the back of my eyes. I had to get up, I told myself. John would be home soon, and I didn't want him to see me like this.

My knees shook uncontrollably, like they had done at the hospital. Amy had been worried about me all day, and when my boss is "worried", whoever she was concerned about ought to be better by tomorrow. Or they could just kiss they're job goodbye. The clinic was understaffed; and sick doctors made the day busier than usual.

I sat on the couch, alone with my thoughts. A boquet of my favourite white roses sat on a table, the card still attached. John's familiar writing made me smile again, as if he was with me right there. His letter told me how much I meant to him, and how he promised he would never try to hurt me. I knew he wouldn't. Every night, before I fell asleep, I heard him whisper those three magical words. I love you. I'd chuckle, and whisper those same words back. Now, I questioned if they were true. How would you know if you loved someone after only knowing them for a couple weeks?

God, how was I supposed to tell him about me... and the baby? His baby. I'd really messed up this time. I sighed heavily and looked up at the sky, like God could give me a miracle. I didn't think He cared. I was scared. I glanced over at the roses, shaking my head as the saltwater drops fell down my cheeks.

I had to get out of here.

Without a second thought for John or anything, I packed up all my stuff and left. My heart beat fast as I glanced one last time around the place I once called home. My hand shook as it clenched the doorknob, my knuckles turning white. I couldn't seem to turn away. This was all happening too fast. How could I raise a child? How could I live with myself if John found out? I'd ruin his life. He was a free spirit; even I couldn't hold him back. A child would do just that, and that would kill John inside.

They say you can't run away from your problems.

Id id.

Without another word to kill me inside, I drove far away from my Florida hometown clutching the wheel and put foot on the gas pedal. The radio played, and all I could think about was what was past that city limit sign.


	8. Beautiful Mess

August 1991

"That kid must weigh a hundred punds!"

I laughed with Joanna, patting my pregnant belly with a smile. She watched as I tried to wipe down the countertop, then I sighed as she rolled her eyes and took the cloth from me.

"The patients can wait!" she scolded, forcing me to sit down. "The world isn't gonna end if you take a few minutes for you and the kid."

I chuckled, looking down at my stomach and grinning. Even though I was annoyed with my friend's attempt to help me, I was grateful for the break. My baby had been kicking all day it seemed, and I knew he would be a sporty kind of kid.

Joanna was my assistant at Hope Valley Clinic in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. She had helped me find an apartmen, and then a job. My car had run out of gas here during my tear-filled drive. Joanna had seen me crying and, ever since then, had been my confidante and best friend.

"Hooray for summer." I muttered, "Sunstroked tourists and nurses sprouting temper tantrums. It's like I never left home."

I heard Joanna snort, trying not to laugh, and she turned to look at me.

"Must be awful for you," she commented, "I hated being pregnant in the summertime. It was just horrible."

"No kidding," I replied, "I wish this kid would just hurry up and come out already."

As a joke, I rolled up my shirt to just below my chest and glared at my swollen abdomen.

"Don't get comfy," I told my unborn child, "Or I'll force you out."

Joanna snorted again, covering her mouth. She put down the rag and and grinned, pulling me out of my chair. I giggled amusedly, staring at my best friend with an eyebrow raise quizzically.

"You," Jo pointed to the door while staring at me, "Drive to McDonalds, pick up two hamburgers and some milk, drive back to the clinic, and EAT. I swear, I've never seen you take a lunch break since the end of your second trimester. That's not good."

"Fine," I replied, pulling on my coat, "But you have to cover for me."

"Don't I always? Now, just GO!"


	9. I'm Gonna Smile

October 2007

It felt wrong to talk to Julie in an interview room, so I led her down to my office. Eric poked his head out of the lab, and I waved him away. I opened my mouth to say something, but Julie interrupted.

"Is this your office?"

I turned and nodded to her, who was pointing to my office door. The bronze nameplate read "Lt. Horatio Caine", and I realized she still wasn't used to my name. I had long since forgotten about John Harmon.

Following her into my office, I sat down behind the desk and fiddled with one of the various picture framed. Julie smiled and looked at them.

"Is that your wife?" she asked, pointing to a photo of Yelina.

"No," I said with a grin, "My sister-in-law."

Julie nodded, fiddling with her hands. She never looked directly at me and an awkward silence filled the room. I wanted to ask her so many questions and find out what happened. I couldn't get the words to form, until Julie turned to me with that smile that could always melt my heart.

"Where's Kyle?" she asked.


	10. My Name

August 1991

I sat behind the wheel of my rusty old car, humming along to the radio. It was my quiet time, away from the incessant complaints of my pateints. Time for me, my baby... and an old memory.

John.

I never regretted running away. He would never know about our son, and for that I was thankful. I could take care of my baby myself; Joanna showed me that. She had twins all by herself, and was raising them with a smile and a hug for both her daughters every day. Surely if Jo was that strong, I could be like that.

Lost in my own thoughts, I didn't even realize how close I was to the center line. A loud honking made me look up just seconds before I hit the solid concrete. I turned the wheel, slamming the brakes. My heart was racing, and the only thing I could thing of was my baby. The next moments were all a blur. The car spun on the road, landing in the ditch with a sickening crunch. For a moment, time stood still as the world blackened. The last thing I remembered was a squeezing pain across my belly.

I woke up in a hospital somewhere, unable to remember what happened. I choked on a tube, and gasped for breath as it was pulled out. I fel a pair of arms wrap around me, and I knew it was Jo.

"Where's my baby?" I asked faintly, "Is he allright?"

Joanna didn't say anything. She bit her lip, looked down, and I saw tears run down her cheeks.

"No," I whispered, shaking my head in denial, "No!"

I pushed her away and glanced all around the room, praying it was a mistake. My son was strong. I'd felt him kicking and fighting to come out. Surely an accident couldn't have... Surely he wasn't...

No. It was true.

My son was dead. And all I wanted to do right then was have John take me in his arms and cry with me.


	11. The Thunder Rolled

October 2007

"Kyle?" I asked, wondering how she knew the name.

Julie nodded, her eyes still sparkling.

"They told me his name," she explained, "Kyle Jonathan Harmon. I would've chosen something like Aaron or Jake, but..."

I saw her blush as she turned away. I smiled, remembering how shy Julie had been. Even as a doctor, her tendency to go red around people always made me laugh. I chuckled, and Julie looked back.

"But where is he?" she asked again, "Where's my son?"

I watched her for a moment, then stood up and walked over towards her. I winced as I knelt down, my knees aching from the age and misuse. Julie was so close to my own age, yet she didn't hold the the years as I did. Her perfect face was spotless, her skin radiant and smooth. Only small threads of grey appeared in her neatly-brushed hair, hardly noticable in her gorgeous locks.

I entwined my fingers in her own, looking up at her with a smile. Her fingertips sent my heart racing, just like they did sixteen years ago whenever they touched my skin. I didn't want to tell her the truth about her son... our son. I didn't want to tell her that Kyle was in prison for kidnapping, and still suffering from the neglect from previous foster homes.

I had to say something. So I tugged gently on her hands as I stood up.

"I'll take you." I told her, my hands falling back to my side. "He's been waiting to see you."

I prayed she couldn't tell I was lying. I hadn't even seen Kyle for at least a week now.

Julie nodded, looking down at the ground as she stood up and followed me out the door. In the hall, I got stopped by Eric and I waved him away again.

"H," he protested, "It's important."

I finally stopped, looking at the CSI over my shoulder. Julie stopped as well, turning to stare. Eric paused, then sighed.

"It's Kyle." he began. "There was a fight at the jail... H, the guy had a knife..."

I heard Julie gasp and I just glared at Eric. Dammit Oscar. You were supposed to protect him.

"Eric," I ordered, "Stay with Julie. I'll be at the prison. Send Calleigh and Ryan to the crime scene."

I turned around swiftly, pulling on my sunglasses as I made my way to the door. Julie stopped me.

"I'm going." she told me, fire burning in her eyes. "He's my son, too."

I smiled gently, about to explain how I thought she should stay at the lab, until Julie sighed and rolled her eyes.

"Good Lord, John!" she exclaimed, somewhat out of her usually calm demeanor, "I'm a doctor. I'm used to stab wounds. Besides, he's been dead to me since he was born. I never even got to see him. Please... let me see him, John."

The fire in my first love's eyes still burned behind a desperate gaze. I couldn't say no to her. I never could, and I nodded.

"Okay, let's go."


	12. You Save Me

August - September 1991

The next few weeks after I lost my son, I remained shut up in my apartment. I didn't go to work; I didn't leave for any reason. Joanna would bring me groceries and take care of me, maing sure I ate and did more than just lie in bed all day. I was depressed, unable to do even the simplest tasks. I kept thinking of John, Pensecola and the baby. What could've been. I felt like I didn't have a reason to live anymore. I didn't deserve to live.

Every night, I dreamed of having a family with John in a nice little house in Florida. I began thinking.

Maybe if I could sleep forever, perhaps... perhaps I could dream forever.

I didn't own a gun. I hated them so much. I even made John take his off and put it away whenever he came in. A knife would mean blood, lots of it. And pain; horrible pain. I didn't want to be feel hurt anymore.

The sleeping pills. They would put me in a permanent slumber, one where I could dream forever. I emptied the bottle in my hand, sighing as I covered the drugs in a clenched fist. I looked up at the ceiling, tears streaming down my cheeks. I heard John's voice in my head. I closed my eyes.

_Let me take you someplace where I can never let you go._

"I will." I whispered in the shadows, "I will."

I don't even remember swallowing the pills, or even getting in my bed. A reel of pictures took over me, like a grainy old movie in slow motion. I thought for sure that, come morning on Earth, I would be asleep forever and completely unable to feel the pain of nostalgia or heartache. All I would know was happiness and joy, to forever be in the only arms I could ever feel loved in.

Damn Joanna. Next thing I knew, I heard my best friend dialing 911and screaming into the phone. I was rushed to the hospital and the doctors tried to "save" me. How could they know I wanted to take my own life? I wanted to, bt they wouldn't let me.

Joanna was fed up with me. I tried to ignore her as she tried to talk to me, convince me I still needed to live. Her vicious, accusing words stung, but I ddn't believe them. I had been wounded enough already. She couldn't understand that I didn't deserve to live anymore.

It was a surprise visit that changed my outlook on life. I had been drifting off to sleep, when I heard someone come in. I glanced up, expecting it to be Joanna, a nurse, or a visitor for the teenage girl I shared my room with. My heart raced.

It was John.


	13. More Than a Memory

October 2007

What the hell did this guy think he was doing?

Some doctor. I bet he didn't know a damn thing about sterilizing. I couldn't even tell if he was wearing gloves for god's sake. I hoped he had at least washed his hands. It made me wonder why the state couldn't afford better care for us, or if they even gave a damn. I didn't have long to think though, wincing at the Dr. House wannabe poked and prodded at my cut. It wasn't even bleeding anymore. Couldn't he just dress it and get the hell away from me?

Nope, apparently not.The guy pressed down around the stab wound, causing the blood to start spurting again. What an idiot.

"Sorry mate." the medic grumbled, running some thankfully clean fabric and running it across the cut.

I rolled my eyes, looking overtop of the burly Aussie at the clock. I had no reason to look; these guys brought in dinner whenever they felt like it. Maybe I was just bored of doing the same thing over and over again.

"Allright then," the doc said with a sigh, "Officer Roland'll take you back to your cell."

Cells. They weren't rooms, just barred cells with concrete walls with bloodstains in the cracks. Not much different than my old foster homes, to be honest.

I nodded and got off the cot, taking my shirt back from the stack and pulling it over my head. Craig Roland, one of the nicer guys on patrol, gave me a smile and held the door for me.

"You've got some visitors." he said, tugging on my shoulder to direct me.

Visitors? The only people who ever came to see me were the guys from Child Services... and Lieutenant Caine. That guy confused the crap out of me. He barely looked like me, and it spooked me that he would even question my parentage. It wasn't like I cared much. Sure, I wanted to know about the people who forced me into a life of foster parents from hell, but it wasn't something that I would put effort into.

I stepped into the room, where I saw the Lieutenant with his precious sunglasses twisting in his hands. I rolled my eyes, but sat down across from him with a sigh and fixing him with a stony gaze.

"Hey." I greeted, looking away.

Lt. Caine nodded.

"Hey," he replied, "I heard you got in a fight."

"Just a cut. I'm not dead."

Horatio grinned, chuckling in his throat. I thought he was crazy. What the hell was so funny?

"I've brought someone to see you." he told me, standing up and gesturing for me to stay.

I rolled my eyes again. I felt like a dog in a pet store. I wanted to stand up and yell through the glass how I wasn't like a cat at the ASPCA to be looked at and admired. Instead I sighed, glancing back at Craig, who nodded curtly. He was always telling me how I should be less sarcastic towards my visitors. I turned back to see a woman with auburn hair and green eyes that matched my own. She smiled at me, looking rather shy. She bit her lip, and I was now rather curious about her.

"Hi Kyle." she greeted nervously.

"Hi." I said back, smiling just a little.

The woman grinned shyly, looking at me with a little sigh.

"You," she stammered, shaking her head, "You probably won't believe me, but... I'm Julie. Julie Eberly."

I stared at her in disbelief. I knew that name to well. I had stared at it every night, typed in black on my birth certificate beside a empty space where my father's name should have been. She was... she was my mother. After all this time... it couldn't be true, could it?

"But..." I said in awe, "How? Why?"

Julie sighed, looking away.

"I did want you, Kyle," she told me, "but Joanna told me you were dead."


	14. I Need You

September 1991

The man standing by in my hospital room looked like a stranger to me. He didn't look at all like the man who stole my heart. His blue eyes, normally shining with delight, were sad and dull. His smile that used to never fade, even in my faintest memories, now had completely disappeared from his solemn face.

I watched him as he glanced around the room, his eyes settling on me. He sighed, and I felt like crying. He forced a smile for me, sitting down beside my cot and taking my hand. His thumbs drew soft little circles on my skin, sending tingles up my spine.

Neither one of us said anything. I wanted someone to pinch me, to prove that this wasn't just my imagination playing cruel tricks on me. The silence we shared was comforting to m. He stayed by my side for a long time, asking no questions about my suicide attempt or the baby. Towards the end, he leaned over and kissed my forehead.

"Why?" he asked simply, his voice still that deep husky whisper with a new hint of sadness.

I couldn't answer. How could I?

He didn't seem to need an answer. His bead bent down lower, softly kissing my lips the way he used to. His fingertips brushed my cheek before getting tangled in my hair. I kissed him back, tears fighting to escape and succeeding.

The moment he tasted the saltwater droplets, John stopped and opened his eyes.

"What's wrong?" he asked softly, his voice fading in volume.

I opened my eyes, and saw John wasn't there. Instead, Joanna was smoothing back my hair.

"What's wrong, Jules?" she asked, "You were having a nightmare."

Nightmare? No... it couldn't have been. John was here... he was kissing me...

I glanced around the room. There was no sign of my red-headed prince. It had all been a dream. A cruel figment of my imagination. John would never find me, just like I planned. Now I regretted it.

I needed him.


	15. Building Bridges

October 2007

I watched Julie for awhile, unsure how to react. Three things were settling uncomfortably in my mind. One, this was my mother. Two, she looked exactly like me. Three, she had sex with Lt. Caine.

Gross.

Shuddering slightly from the mental images this gave me, I waited for her to continue her stoy. Who the hell told her I was dead? I was sitting right there! I wasn't dead! This had to be some sort of scam.

"It's a long story." she stammered, "But I found of that a friend of mine - well, she isn't a friend anymore - got confused and had to make a decision... well, she lied to me and told me you had died. There was a car accident..."

Julie stopped, sighing and staring into my eyes.

"Look, I don't expect that you'll call me your mom or anything, OK? I just... I needed to know you weren't... dead."

I looked over at Lt. Caine, who watched us while playing with his precious sunglasses. He couldn't have thought I would believe all this horse crap, would he? I smirked, thinking how the poor guy was probably forced to bring this chick with him.

"Mind being a little more descriptive?" I asked, looking back at Julie, "Because I'm not buying this."

She looked like she was ready to kill me, but obviously forced a smile and sighed.

"I was in a car accident," she began, looking down, "A really bad one. I had you early, and nobody thought either of us would live. I was in a coma for two weeks or something, and the doctors thought I would never wake up. So my friend... she decided to put you up for adoption. The foster people came and took you, she said. When I woke up, it was too late to get you back so Jo - my friend, told me you had died in the accident."

OK, now this was getting good.

I saw Lt. Caine in the back, and I could've sworn he was trying not to cry. He looked down at the ground, his face all scrunched up. Julie followed my gaze, but quickly turned back to face me.

"Hey," she asked, getting up, "Do you like brownies?"

I nodded. I had only had those once in my life, when a girl my age waiting at the Child Services' office shared hers with me. I was fourteen then, I think. I still remembered the taste, chuckling when I remembered how I hated the nuts in them. What were they anyways? Cashews? I wouldn't have known.

"I'll bring you some." she said, tapping the clear plastic that separated us.

I watched her walk towards the lieutenant, and I tried to imagine the two of them sixteen years later. I couldn't. He barely glanced at her, let alone touched her. How could he have loved her if he couldn't so much as look at her now?

I was about to compare their seemingly false romance to something else from my past, when officer Roland tapped my shoulder.

"Ready to head back?" he asked.

"Yeah," I replied. "Thanks."


	16. Till We Ain't Strangers Anymore

October 2007

The clock in the Hummer dashboard read 5:36pm. Behind the wheel, I glanced momentarily at Julie before setting my eyes back on the road. She had her arm against the door, her head in her hand with her eyes deep in thought. Neither of us said anything until we got on the highway.

"Are you staying in a hotel?" I asked.

Julie nodded.

"If I can find one." she replied, a smile on her face.

I glanced at her, stupefied. Why hadn't she gotten a hotel room? Instead of questioning her like a suspect, I smiled as an idea formed in my head.

"Why don't you stay at my place?" I offered. "I have a guest bedroom. You can stay there tonight, and we'll pick up your car in the morning."

Julie turned her head to look at me, her hazel eyes sparkling.

"I'd like that." she murmured, her voice music to my ears.

I chuckled, turning the wheel in the direction of my house. I saw her smile out of the corner of my eye.

"Home sweet home!" I told her, parking the car in the driveway.

I led her up the stone walkway, opening up the old wooden gate to reveal the house, half-hidden by a white wall. Inside the sheltered garden, a wrap-around wooden porch led into my house through a pair of French doors. A couple birds had flown through the gate, flying around Julie's hair and startling her a little. Grinning, I opened the door and led her inside. She was laughing, and I couldn't help but laugh along with her.

"Aren't there any birds in Louisiana?" I teased, motioning for her to go sit on the couch.

"Yeah," she nodded, "But they aren't as friendly as the ones in Miami."

She sat down on a grey leather couch, crossing her legs and sighing comfortably. Her black skirt came up a little, revealing her still-lean thighs and her perfect legs. Noticing my gaze, she blushed and pulled the hem back to her knees. I looked away politely and went into the kitchen, wondering how she managed to look exactly like the same beautiful nurse I fell in love with.

"Would you, um, like something to drink?" I offered, my face burning up embarrasedly.

"Yeah," she called back, "Do you still have that chilean red wine?"

I paused for a moment, smiling. She remembered.

"Yup." I whispered, opening the pantry and pulling out a bottle.

It was covered in sixteen years of dust, the age marked on the label. 1990. I never opened it. I had brought it home that night, the night she left, to apologize for being late. I couldn't drink it myself, so I put it away and left it with a dream of finding her again.

I popped the cork, and swore I could hear the string music as it played all those years ago the first night we tried it. Our first date, we agreed. The real first one didn't turn out so well, and that night had been our make-up date. Nothing had changed in my mind. Julie had never left. It was all here, marked on a green bottle of wine.

As I poured the drinks, I heard Julie's heels clicking across the floor. I heard some music begin to play and I smiled. Old piano the music, the kind we used to danced to. We didn't like the songs of the late eighties and nineties; we had a taste for the classics.

I walked into the living room, holding the glasses and chuckling as I saw Julie fiddling with the sound system.

"Bored?" I teased, startling her.

"No," she stammered. "I just..."

Grinning, I moved closer until I was just a few inches away from her. She smiled back, taking her glass and looking up at me.

"You remember, right?" she asked me in a low whisper, "You remember... that night?" 

I didn't know which one she was referrring to. I remembered all the nights we spent together. Hell, every minute I spent with her was engraved in my memory.

Nodding, I touched her cheek with the back of my free hand. She leaned her head into my touch, melting my heart and making me want more. I gently moved my hand to her chin, taking a quick breath before kissing her.

It was 1990 all over again, the sound of rain that poured down around us replaced by the crescendo of piano music. Her lips were still sugar-sweet, her skin as soft as ever. My fingers were tangled in her auburn curls, her own in my red hair. We were just a couple of young adults, falling in love for the first time. Sixteen years later, we were doing it all over again.

I pulled away to breathe, and heard her whisper.

"John... I need you, John. Please..."

I wanted her, too. Needed her. My heart had gone without Julie for far too long. And now that she was here, in my arms tonight, how could I go without her?

I pulled her lips to mine again, my hands now free to go anywhere they pleased. Julie clung to my neck, shuddering as I traced the curves of her sides. I tensed, finding the strength to lift her in my arms and carry her into the bedroom.She gave a muffled squeal of joy, and I felt her smile through feverish kisses.

I softly lay her on the bed, her tresses falling romantically around her face on the pillow. I wished I could just sit beside her, just stare at her until that image of beauty was carved in my mind. Instead, I climbed over her and let my fingers slide from her temple to the base of her neck, and back again. She leaned into my touch, and I caught my breath in my throat. On the next pass, my fingers went to the collar of her blouse and followed the cut. It was tempting to let my eyes follow, but I kept them on Julie. I leaned down and kissed her bottom lip as my fingers found the first button. Julie's own hands, meanwhile, were pulling off my coat and were beginning to undo my shirt.

Heaven was in Julie's arms. She was an angel, sent to earth to save me. And so began the night, like so many before, that showed her how much I loved, needed, and wanted her.


End file.
